Never A Silent Night

There is this guy, that for over a year and a half, I’ve had a huge thing for. I mean, I learned to bake cookies and the rules to football and everything because of him. Yeah, I know, trust me, I know. The whole doing stuff because of a boy thing is no bueno…but now I’m a badass cookie baker and I love football, and not just the “beautiful game” football but also American football. So I still win because I have new skills, people, new. mad. skills. And I had someone tell me they dreamt about my maple bacon chocolate chip cookies so whatever. WIN.

Anyways, things didn’t work out in the romantic sense. I didn’t exactly make “the move” but we had coffee, went to a concert and we’ve hung out at some of his shows. All times, bro hugs and hi-fives. Coffee was all business. Everything about how he acted was very “okay, we’re here to talk about blah blah” and nothing more. This was also pretty early in the getting to know each other phase, so I thought, well maybe its just because we aren’t friends yet as he was giving me guitar lessons, and I asked him under the context of wanting to know more about South America since I was “trying to plan a trip”. For the show (round two attempt at private hang time where he wasn’t “working”) we met at the venue, and after words he just said bye and went on his way. He had a gig that night that he was rushing off to, so its not like he just blew me off. I knew he had to be somewhere. And honestly, as frustrating as that was… it felt right.

Usually we have an ease about us when talking. We talk about random things, our lives, family, what we did that week, movies, or whatever. This takes place during my lessons, through text sometimes, and other times at his gigs. So, why wouldn’t I think an actual hang session wouldn’t go as smoothly. I mean, we have a lot in common.

1) We both love music

2) We have sarcastic, random, a little dirty and probably “offensive to others” humor

3) “Interesting” family members

4) Can’t watch too many crime dramas before bed or it fucks with our minds

5) We both enjoy animated movies (yes, cartoons…its totally fine!)

6) Swearing is a completely valid form of expression to us both

7) etc…

Basically, we have a lot of common interests and personality traits. Maybe too many. Yet, even within those similarities are differences. Take music for instance. He listens to mostly…lets call them classics. I listen to…EVERYTHING! Old, new, pop, punk, rock, country, hip hop, etc. And then there is Family? He’s super tight with his family, and boy are they a big family. His youngest bro used to live with him and his other younger brother is in bands with him. He has a twin sister and another little sister. His parents are still together and it seems like they have dinner once a week at least. My family…well, we see each other. I mostly go visit my nephews. My sisters and I are very different, and my parents. Well, they keep asking when I’m going to get married and have kids or if I am gay. I’m pretty sure they are banking on me being a lesbian. Anyways, not super tight. We love each other, dont get me wrong, but not super tight. I usually can’t stand too much time with my family. I kind of feel like an outsider, constantly trying to fit in. My nephews though, I love to spend time with them. Any time, all the time. Unfortunately, my bank account hinders that sometimes. Even driving around costs me money. Anyways, yeah. Back to “the guy”.

It felt forced. Like I was trying too hard, and I supose I was. He seemed completely at ease. But here’s the thing, if you didn’t know we were at the show together, you might not have known. Most people didn’t seem to since they kept breaking us up in the crowd. I think I also had high expectations and maybe dilussional ones, where I thought he would pick me up and drive me there and we would have dinner or drinks and hang before the show. Or even after, but nope. I should have been more upset when he left, but I kind of felt relieved. No more trying for something I was pretty sure wasn’t going to happen but my friends kept trying to tell me was or should or whatever. We could just be friends. It was okay. Maybe thats exactly why he was brought into my life. No more hoping, and wishing, and “reading signs” and trying to be perfect. Ugh. Why do that anyways, embrace your imperfections. We’re all pretty badasss, but by all means never stop growing, thats a must. There is a difference. I digress though.

Here’s the thing ladies, we all have those friends. The friends who tell you that you are the best person ever and that every guy should be in love with you and obviously if you are in to him then he MUST be in to you as well. I mean, thats how it works right? See guy, fall in like with guy, guy falls in like with you. Just like that. Always. And if you don’t think its happening, rest assured, they will tell you it is and you are crazy because you think that all the “bro hugs and hi-fives” are a sign of him just wanting to be homies. Yeah. Its not helpful. I understand the building you up, but friends should also be the ones that give you the reality check. You know what kind of friends are great for the reality check. Guys. They are solid, straight forward friends. Not all, don’t get me wrong, some guys don’t want to hurt your feelings so they kind get all wishy washy. But then you have the guy friend that tells you like it is. That’s the friend you need in cases like mine. The dude that tells you to give up the romance aspirations and decide if you can just be friends. Then do it.

So, here we are. Just friends. And it doesn’t suck. You know why? Because on Tuesday a friend bailed on me for a show because she was sick. I posted on FB about the tickets, I called and texted around and got nada. Then, it hit me. Its his day off. His only day off. Would he want to go to a show? Eh, fuck it, lets ask. The text went out and he said yes and was on his way. And you know what I was thinking that entire time? Wsa I thinking “Oh my gosh, if he comes it will be so great. We can slow dance, we can blah blah blah romantic notions blah blah blah.” I just thought, “Cool! I found someone to take one of the tickets. Now I need to find one more person for the other.” Thats right, I was not over thinking the decision to ask him to join. I wasn’t thinking about what I was wearing, my hair, my clothes, my horrible dancing skills that he might see. I just thought that one ticket was sold and I needed to get rid of another. I did also think, I hope he has fun and I was glad my friend that did show knew him already so she wouldn’t feel weird but nothing about trying to be his girl.

I mean, I still see him once a week and look forward to it. But I look forward to it because he’s fun to hang with and I’m almost to the point where I don’t completely suck playing guitar. He’s a great friend. Friendly, supportive, encouraging, funny,  talented, and just plain fun. Who wouldn’t love to have that in their life? Regardless of what capacity that person is in their life for. So moral of story, sometimes its okay to be friendzoned. Sometimes, the “sucky” thing, is the most wonderful thing.

 

 

Posted by Leah and tagged as friends, friendzone, life, like, Love, relationships, romance